A Hundred Gs, Yo

February 10, 2017

Perhaps some of you artists have cable, or haven't paid the extra penny for ad-free Hulu and have had the pleasure of viewing the "Miracle Spring Water" infomercial. I was lucky enough to see it at my cable owning parent's house in New York while visiting, and those of you reading this are lucky enough to see it to. Apparently, there is this magical spring water you can order via a television ad that solves the problem of poverty in the United States, granting its users massive amounts of origin unknown money. The product seems somewhat religious, number one, using the word miracle in its title, and seems as if the whole thing was shot in Southern Baptist Church after Sunday services. Yet, utterances of the words, "cure" or "cancer" or "paraplegic," are lacking. The entire two minutes seems like an offensive SNL skit, and you're just waiting for someone to break, it's magical. This type of daytime racist emitting laughter is the real miracle in my eyes. Though I have yet to follow through on contacting the company to obtain it's water via UPS, my father and I have narrowed in on one woman's testimony, creating an ongoing creatively executed joke consisting of multiple fakeouts.

It might be necessary to inform you artists that my father has purchased multiple products via As Seen On TV ads, such as the copper pot and the FitBoard, so the idea of him purchasing the water to my second Mother Libby is extremely not far fetched. First, my father and I informed Libby that we had in fact ordered the enchanted water in hopes of unprecedented monetary fortune. Then, my father typed up and printed a nice 8.5x11inch piece of paper covered in 100 G's of black ink. 

 

We then placed in an envelope stamped and addressed to her, and waited for the mail to arrive, delivering the pile to her with our envelope in the mix. My father and I could barely keep our composer as she opened the envelope despite the fact this was one of the dumbest things we had ever done, but yet so genius. Libby laughed, "Very funny, to which we replied, "You got 100 G's in the mail!"  Are you on to which part of the video we've been imitating for the past 2 months? Meanwhile, back in California, where I live, last week I received a letter in a long white enveloped addressed to me with no return address. Upon opening it, I was pleased to have received 100 Gs. I was in the midst of texting my Father that that, "was a good one," when I deleted it and decided to beat him at his own game. He asked me if I received anything in the mail a few days later, to which I denied, in order to keep his guard down while I raced the clock to get something out to the post office due to the approximately 5 day period it takes to receive letters sent from coast to coast. Below I have documented the unnecessary application of my time use the tools I had at hand, to create a masterpiece only lacking in gold foil and better handwriting in order of discovery. You see artists, art is everywhere, in both jokes and embellished stationary, and I can definitely get anal with it. And, in case you were wondering, I totally fucking got him. Nothing is ever too stupid create. There are no stupid creations other than the one/idea not carried out.

 

 

 

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Beauty is in the eye of the buttholder.