5 Reasons An Iguana is Better Than A Boyfriend

A lizard lady like myself has a 2-year-old iguana named Mercury and I've noticed a few things...

1. Iguanas do not talk.

2. Iguanas do not make ANY sounds at ALL. Not roars, not even groans.

3. Iguanas can walk around the house naked and still not have their junk

[penis and balls] hanging out and jiggling around. Iguanas' balls never

drop and are permanently tucked safe inside the base of their tail.

Additionally their penises [I'll get to that] push out of their cloaca [poop and pee hole] when 'getting it on,' and after completion, retract back inside their body like nothing ever happened. This type of sexual 'layout' is known as a hemipenis.

4. Iguanas have two penises, so if you're trying to make a baby, you got odds, 2:1.

5. You can potty train Iguanas, and they, on the other hand, will never leave the seat up.

BONUS POINTS: When you go out into the world, you can keep Iguanas on a leash.